Asking Eric: Condo board bullying gets out of control

Dear Eric I m on a condo board with a couple of men who seem very controlling and regularly impugn my honesty This is extremely uncomfortable I m not sure how to respond For example we had a meeting and one of them mentioned we never have discussed these topics at this kind of meeting I m the secretary I revealed look at last year s special meeting after the annual voting You will see that we had chosen old business new business and an executive session after the electoral contest of officers Instead of saying I m sorry I guess I was just mistaken he commented Well I ll look it up This person doesn t inevitably respond to questions or information I recognize that preponderance of this is likely his issue not mine But it is very aggravating to have somebody frequently questioning my motives my integrity or the information that I provide Nobody else strategies up and says stop it If I say that s inappropriate or request that he handle things differently then I am berated I m not sure what to do with his confrontational behavior Please give me suggestions other than just ignoring him Avoiding Condo Boorishness Dear Avoiding Various of the biggest obstacles to condo and HOA boards are the Three Ps Parking Pets and People You ve got a people challenge which to my mind can be the the bulk vexing One suggestion is to make addressing this behavior part of the new business A board governs the running and maintenance of the building but it also governs itself So putting in place guidelines for respectful discourse and consequences for failing to show respect falls within the board s purview Admittedly this might escalate things but if you re being berated publicly and no one is coming to your aid or stopping this inappropriate behavior then this is more than just a trouble between you and him It s an issue with the board Now if the board is made up of more boors than just the one this may not be a workable fix Other options telling him we can speak like adults when you calm down but until then we can t be in communication or if your condominium works with a management company ask them if they provide mediation or conflict resolution assistance Dear Eric My older sister and I are in our s Our still-married parents have been fighting since the late s A limited years ago I wrote to an advice columnist about our challenging relationship He responded to the letter I emailed my sister the column and stated We should talk She responded No Not interested Then she cut me out of communication I did not comment on the column but I did comment on subsequent articles identifying myself as the letter writer I wrote that my sister takes after my mother screams at my father and I don t know why either husband tolerates it Earlier this year I was at my cousin s wedding where I saw my sister for the first time in years She was cordial but cold to me When I appealed my brother-in-law what the deal was he disclosed that I had been rude to them for years and that this might be irreparable I didn t realize they had been following the column and reading the comments I don t understand why the initial advice column made her cut me off I am unsure what exact comments she did not like and why she didn t just contact me to have a conversation My mom is unaware of the reasons for the rift but says It is a shame you two do not talk but it is likely her fault as nobody likes her I wrote to my sister trying to repair this saying I want her back but she has not responded What should I do Sad Brother Dear Brother It s ostensibly jarring to read about oneself in an advice column to which one did not write even if the intention is good It s likely even more jarring to read an on-going comments section detailing one s faults So part of the issue is a feeling of citizens shaming I wouldn t send this one to her Related Articles Asking Eric Friend invariably demands rides with no repayment Asking Eric Nice neighbors dog barks all day and night Asking Eric After illness social butterfly feels left out Asking Eric Mother worries that her past traumas caused daughter s body image issues Asking Eric Grandparent is barred from even speaking son s name Your sister has a narrative about your relationship that s totally different from yours Specific of this is natural of subject We re all the stars of our own shows But it s clear that your sister has something in her mind that you ve done wrong It likely predates the column And from your telling you have things in mind that she s done wrong The berating for one And whatever it is that you wrote to the initial advice column about So your sister may be intuiting judgment from you even though you re trying to extend an olive branch The best thing you can do is apologize and respect her boundaries Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com